On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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