i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
