I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize