I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
