I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
