you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
