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That's how twitter works, right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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