How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
