dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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