For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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