Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
