There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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