But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
