Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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