theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
