my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
