It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
