I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize