So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
