I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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