lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
