we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
