Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
