I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize