The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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