I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
