You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
