I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize