god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
