It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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