I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
