So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
