i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize