I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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