I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Too much gin, very little bucket
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
