Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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