1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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