i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
