fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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