i dont even know how to be here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
