Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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