did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
