what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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