i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
