apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
