areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
