so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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