it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
