I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
