Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
