If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
