all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
me + whiskey = a bad person
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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