he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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