Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
