Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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