Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
