Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i've created a new STD.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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