He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
