five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
