Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
