i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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