thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
