dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
