you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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