The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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