well I can't set my house on fire every night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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