Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is my gift to your gina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
