I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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