I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
