like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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