My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize