Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
