I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize