Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
