It's Friday. Sex?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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