Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
