We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A bitchslap is in order.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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