I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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