His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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