CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
