Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
