I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
