There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
