it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
