Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
