I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
