She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
