I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
