College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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