You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize