The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
