I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize