Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
God, I missed his penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
