Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
