Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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