ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
