Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
