Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
