sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
