apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
