whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
