Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize