what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
