are you still at the devil's house?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
