Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
