Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
