i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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