I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
