i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
