She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
